Author: Envy (En-Chan)

No one could ever impersonate me and get away with it.

Please hide your eyes from this blog, especially if your name is TallestHuman. It feels like having your old diary discovered.

Actually, I am simply joking. I am glad to be reminded that I have this place, and you can still find me on discord if you have that.

Discord: envy.lope

I am just wishing to write down a rant here. Ever since I stopped writing everyday, I can feel the want to write start slipping. If I don’t force myself, it can take a while for me to get back there, but this is the problem. Every day that I don’t force myself is another day that it gets harder to write.

This is why quitting a consistent schedule even once can be the worst decision. I took a small break after something happened, and then it spiraled even worse from there. Now, it’s hard to write even one chapter a week.

I’ve withdrawn myself from the consistency I told myself I would maintain. And every day that passes where I don’t write at least 1k words, I feel more and more anxious.

It’s like I am wasting away because I’ve withdrawn from the one productive thing I told myself to maintain. It compounds into an even bigger problem where my thoughts lower my self-image, and this makes it even harder to write.

Well, here is hoping that I can find the spark to write consistently again. Thanks for reading.

If I was smarter, I’d be a better writer. I could do many things better, and I’d have made different choices.

If I was a bit wiser, I’d have not lost so many friends along the way, and maybe I’d not have these depressive episodes as often.

I think many of us want to be better, and I’ll not say it’s worse for me, but I’ve been really feeling it recently. I can feel the sadness in my heart and in my guts.

This is not a metaphor. I’m referring to the actual physical manifestation of symptoms. Being on the verge of crying, but never quite finding that release. Feeling like I would give up everything to be just a bit better.

What’s worse is the writers blocks that come harder when I’m depressed. I can’t write because it’s not good enough for me. It will never be good enough, but that doesn’t stop me usually. Now, it’s like a barrier that’s thicker than a titanium vault door.

Thanks for listening. It feels a bit nice to speak into the void.

Little Vampire

Little vampire whose eyes bat around,
In your vision what sites can be found?
Do those crimson moon nights steal your gaze,
Or does it set your heart ablaze?

Little vampire who bites into curiosities,
Do your claws dig into the wonder of those seas?
Little vampire, have your fangs grown,
And will they seep into the unknown?

Little vampire sits inside of a vast world,
The blood of knowledge is slowly unfurled.
Little vampire, what will you do,
When there is so much to look forward to?

Little vampire, I’d love to watch you grow,
But the winter is melting along with the snow.
Little vampire, make your life a long one,
And remember to be weary of the sun.

I am posting this just so I can say I continued my streak. I realized I can just do that because it’s my site. Hahahaha!

Thanks for reading.